Starting Over

 

I've Learned

Hello! I am going to apologize now about how long this is but please hang with me. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have put this blog on hold since the holidays. I was struggling with a lot. My divorce never felt as real as it did during the holidays. I never felt as alone as I did then. My depression was coming back in full force and I didn’t realize it. I figured I would start writing again come the New Year. Well that didn’t happen. I was dealing with scary thoughts, not being motivated to do anything, staring at the wall for hours, getting my depression under control. Mid January I started a new medication and after some tweaking I am happy to say it is just what I needed! I was also struggling with what to write. What do you want to hear about, what do I want to share? In the past I had shared my thoughts and feelings about my divorce. Along with my paintings and adventures. Well since the holidays I have not painted. I have come face to face with an internal block, artist block, what ever you want to call it. I know I need to start painting again, that all I need to do is show up, get in front of a canvas and put paint on it. Get the juices started again. So why don’t I do it? Why do I find a million other things to do with my time? I don’t know that answer. My house is my gallery; I have my paintings all over the place. I look at them daily. And as I look at them I think to myself… How did I do that? How did I get those marks, how did I get that feel, how did I get those colors just right? I don’t know the answer. Then I think to myself, I’ve used up all of my talent, that there is nothing else, how can I paint anything better than this… Not very positive thoughts and most likely not true. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever thought this? I can’t be the only one but it feels that way. So I hang on to the thought that its OK to have a break. It gives me time to think about where I want this creative career to go and how to do it. And I will take you along with me as I move forward.

One day in Feb. I came across Malik’s blog. He is a writer and his site 10 Minute Rule is a blog of his thoughts each day. On Feb. 5, 2015 he wrote about his divorce. Why he shares it with everyone and it hit home with me and had me thinking. Why do I share this, I come from a family who keeps their feelings and family affairs very private. And I came to the realization that I share it because maybe somehow by sharing what I am going through it will help someone. To let you know you’re not alone. Or maybe help someone who has a friend who is going through the same thing. So as I move forward I will continue to write about what I am going through, struggles and successes. And hopefully through it all, I may help someone. Whether it’s through their art, being inspired, getting new ideas or help deal with a tragic event like divorce. It feels good to be back. See you next week! xoxox

Keep Going

3 thoughts on “Starting Over

  1. Isabella

    I understand the feeling about painting. I also took a break from painting, just started again. I took some of my paintings off the walls so I might be inspired to start again. Wishing you inspiration, Isabella

    Reply
  2. Mo Mapes

    Janine,
    It seems you are on your way to where ever you are supposed to be. Don’t worry- you have LOTS more paintings inside of you. As your life changes your art will change and new inspiration will come. You are so talented- I wish I could paint like you! I will keep on trying- keep on showing up- and keep listening to you as you grow on your own. Take care- I’m so glad you are feeling better. I have a feeling you will start painting again and will wonder why you ever had a problem. I for one look forward to seeing your new paintings.
    Mo

    Reply
  3. paul

    A lot of us use tools to achieve, some paint, do yoga, turn vegan, the list goes on.I skip from one stepping stone to the next or maybe I stumble.
    Along the way sometimes I am happy,sad,full of clarity and occasionally confused.Whatever the journey is I manage to land on both feet.Without using many tools I somehow always feel grateful for what I have.
    Some may call that attitude without getting hung up on the philosophical part, the best part is the journey and what happens along the way.Friends for me always play a big part.
    However the one resonating recurring thing for me is being grateful ,which at least leads to contentment.
    Should I raise the bar higher and strive for Happiness

    Reply

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