Hello! I am going to apologize now about how long this is but please hang with me. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have put this blog on hold since the holidays. I was struggling with a lot. My divorce never felt as real as it did during the holidays. I never felt as alone as I did then. My depression was coming back in full force and I didn’t realize it. I figured I would start writing again come the New Year. Well that didn’t happen. I was dealing with scary thoughts, not being motivated to do anything, staring at the wall for hours, getting my depression under control. Mid January I started a new medication and after some tweaking I am happy to say it is just what I needed! I was also struggling with what to write. What do you want to hear about, what do I want to share? In the past I had shared my thoughts and feelings about my divorce. Along with my paintings and adventures. Well since the holidays I have not painted. I have come face to face with an internal block, artist block, what ever you want to call it. I know I need to start painting again, that all I need to do is show up, get in front of a canvas and put paint on it. Get the juices started again. So why don’t I do it? Why do I find a million other things to do with my time? I don’t know that answer. My house is my gallery; I have my paintings all over the place. I look at them daily. And as I look at them I think to myself… How did I do that? How did I get those marks, how did I get that feel, how did I get those colors just right? I don’t know the answer. Then I think to myself, I’ve used up all of my talent, that there is nothing else, how can I paint anything better than this… Not very positive thoughts and most likely not true. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever thought this? I can’t be the only one but it feels that way. So I hang on to the thought that its OK to have a break. It gives me time to think about where I want this creative career to go and how to do it. And I will take you along with me as I move forward.
One day in Feb. I came across Malik’s blog. He is a writer and his site 10 Minute Rule is a blog of his thoughts each day. On Feb. 5, 2015 he wrote about his divorce. Why he shares it with everyone and it hit home with me and had me thinking. Why do I share this, I come from a family who keeps their feelings and family affairs very private. And I came to the realization that I share it because maybe somehow by sharing what I am going through it will help someone. To let you know you’re not alone. Or maybe help someone who has a friend who is going through the same thing. So as I move forward I will continue to write about what I am going through, struggles and successes. And hopefully through it all, I may help someone. Whether it’s through their art, being inspired, getting new ideas or help deal with a tragic event like divorce. It feels good to be back. See you next week! xoxox