So here I am, working on my e-course, making great progress. I decided on a name; Painting from the Soul, I’m settling on a launch date, not ready to share that yet. And I have a backbone figured out, ready to fill in the blanks. I’m ready to continue on to the next step of the process and what do I do… I stop. I find myself getting into old habits of staying busy with stuff that really does need to get done but I’m not carving out time to work on my course. This morning I asked myself, Why? Why am I doing this? And you know what I came up with… Fear of course.
What is this fear? I decided to look it up to get a better understanding.
Fear: An emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger. An anxious feeling. Be afraid or feel anxious about a possible or probable situation or event. Be afraid or scared of; be frightened of. Be uneasy or apprehensive about.
Okay, I am not in any pain or danger, the situation is not dangerous, I am not frightened, but yes I am a bit anxious and scared. But why? This fear is not helping me in any way. I am getting in my own way really. All I need to do is dive in and once I am in, things will flow and all will be alright. What am I afraid of? What is making me feel anxious? The fear of not being able to pull it off, of failure, of letting people down or letting myself down, of having the course flop and no one liking it, not being able to get across what I am striving to, oh the list goes on and on. So what if I fail, what if it flops, what if all that happens? What would be the worst thing that would happen to me? That I learn something? I look foolish? I disappoint others (who are these people that I am disappointing?), I disappoint myself…but how can I disappoint myself if I do my best and put all that I am into it? And then there is this question… What if I don’t fail? What happens then? I will have grown, I will feel a sense of confidence, accomplishment, a feeling of being proud, happy, you get the picture. Well why can’t you feel all of those things if you fail? I should be proud that I have done it. I did what I set my heart out to do and I will have grown from it. Learned many things like how to do it and what to do and not to do. I should feel accomplished that I pulled it off, that I did it. Not even trying is worse. In a way you fail by not trying. You let yourself down and all the others that would of benefited from the course. So when you think about it, not doing it is the failure. Doing it, no matter what the outcome, is the success. I like that. I like how that feels. I will keep you updated and let you know how it goes, what the next part of this journey looks like. But for now I leave you with this question, what is your fear preventing you from doing? What is the worst that can happen. I challenge you to do it anyway, like I shall do, and let me know how it goes. I would love to hear from you. xoxo
I shall leave you with some progress shots of the 2 pieces I started working on a couple of weeks back. These are the second layers.