Category Archives: 2014

Starting Over

 

I've Learned

Hello! I am going to apologize now about how long this is but please hang with me. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have put this blog on hold since the holidays. I was struggling with a lot. My divorce never felt as real as it did during the holidays. I never felt as alone as I did then. My depression was coming back in full force and I didn’t realize it. I figured I would start writing again come the New Year. Well that didn’t happen. I was dealing with scary thoughts, not being motivated to do anything, staring at the wall for hours, getting my depression under control. Mid January I started a new medication and after some tweaking I am happy to say it is just what I needed! I was also struggling with what to write. What do you want to hear about, what do I want to share? In the past I had shared my thoughts and feelings about my divorce. Along with my paintings and adventures. Well since the holidays I have not painted. I have come face to face with an internal block, artist block, what ever you want to call it. I know I need to start painting again, that all I need to do is show up, get in front of a canvas and put paint on it. Get the juices started again. So why don’t I do it? Why do I find a million other things to do with my time? I don’t know that answer. My house is my gallery; I have my paintings all over the place. I look at them daily. And as I look at them I think to myself… How did I do that? How did I get those marks, how did I get that feel, how did I get those colors just right? I don’t know the answer. Then I think to myself, I’ve used up all of my talent, that there is nothing else, how can I paint anything better than this… Not very positive thoughts and most likely not true. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever thought this? I can’t be the only one but it feels that way. So I hang on to the thought that its OK to have a break. It gives me time to think about where I want this creative career to go and how to do it. And I will take you along with me as I move forward.

One day in Feb. I came across Malik’s blog. He is a writer and his site 10 Minute Rule is a blog of his thoughts each day. On Feb. 5, 2015 he wrote about his divorce. Why he shares it with everyone and it hit home with me and had me thinking. Why do I share this, I come from a family who keeps their feelings and family affairs very private. And I came to the realization that I share it because maybe somehow by sharing what I am going through it will help someone. To let you know you’re not alone. Or maybe help someone who has a friend who is going through the same thing. So as I move forward I will continue to write about what I am going through, struggles and successes. And hopefully through it all, I may help someone. Whether it’s through their art, being inspired, getting new ideas or help deal with a tragic event like divorce. It feels good to be back. See you next week! xoxox

Keep Going

A New Year

The holidays are finally over, it was a hard season for me and I am ready to start over, a new year, new beginnings. I am getting ready to go spend some time with my family. Bring in the new year with the love of my family surrounding me and my girls. Of course with every new year you start thinking, what do I want to do different, what do I want to change, make better, what will your word for the year be or what are your new years resolutions.

Well last night I went out with close friends of mine, family really and in the mist of playing pool and video games and all that I start balling. Yes, at that moment my emotions decided to take over and say forget this, we can’t handle it anymore. I tried my best to control it but the tears would not stop flowing, the flood gates were open and man there was a lot pent up. I look at myself, getting ready to start a whole new year and man, I am not where I want to be at almost 41 years of age. As I cried and tried to express myself which ironically I am not very good at, vocally expressing myself. I feel… feelings/emotions, I don’t think of words to describe what I am going through, it’s a feeling, a hurt or what have you. It’s what’s going on inside me, what is stirring up and man, it’s so hard for me to put that into words. So that makes it hard for people who love me to know what I am going through. I stutter, I am quiet but my face tells it all. But at that moment, I have 2 amazing people looking at me with concern in their eyes trying to help me and I feel like I speak another language, not knowing how to talk, how to say what I am going through. How can they help me? How do I tell them that I need them, their love, their touch/hugs, their thoughts, their way of looking at things. How do I express what I am going through? I have a lot to learn this coming year, how to live this new life of mine, how to make it mine, to discover myself again, what do I like, what do I want to do more of, what makes me happy and how to vocally express myself better.

Please know I appreciate you all so very much. Thank you for following me this year as I start a whole new life. May you have an amazing New Year! See you in 2015! xoxoxo

 

 

What Makes an Artist

This past weekend I was in Biloxi Mississippi for a tattoo convention, Due South Tattoo Expo. They had artists from all over in this one spot. I drove from Atlanta on Thursday so I can get mine finished by an artist I absolutely love, Ivana Belakova, and who lives in CA. She worked on me Friday (7 hours) and I drove home Sat. Depending on traffic it took 7-8 hours. I made this same drive a year ago when she was a guest artist at Twisted Anchor Tattoo in Ocean Springs. Her work is like no other, a real artist. I had to make this trip, it was my 40th birthday gift to me and I turn 41 come January. Anyway, it got me thinking about what makes an artist. I paint in my studio, with all of my paint and what ever I may need. And I work in acrylics and use many layers so if I don’t like something I can paint over it no problem, no big deal… but a tattoo artist, now that is the real deal. First of all you need to have a steady hand, talent and confidence and then inflict pain on someone while you are trying to create (yes it does hurt) and what you create is permanent, no redos, no bad days, no oops. And who you work on has complete trust in you and you have to be on your best that day and every day. Wow, I know I couldn’t handle that pressure. These artists are bad asses in my eyes. I know not everyone likes tattoos, you either like it or hate it, but even if your in that not so into it camp you have to give the tattoo artist credit. That is talent and I saw some amazing work while at the convention. Stuff I couldn’t do on paper let alone on a person who you know is not sitting still.

Then at the end of the day I entered the tattoo into a competition and we won First Place in the New School Fresh category. When the judges saw it they absolutely loved it too. I had other artist come to me in awe of Ivana and her talent. It was such a fun experience.

These photos are not the best but will give you the idea of the talent Ivana has. When I first saw her I told her I wanted a sunflower and the word believe and that was it, I wanted it to be in her style which I love. I love the idea of having art on my body, something I live and breath. I came home from the trip and started painting and noticed on my glass their was paint, I also noticed while driving for 8 hours their was paint on my steering wheel, there is usually paint on my nails and on my clothes. Its part of me and now on me.

If your curious on why I wanted a sunflower and the word believe is to remind myself how I was in a deep depression, where I couldn’t’ see the light but a sunflower, which is my favorite flower, points to the sun, even if its cloudy, they know where the light is and faces it. It always sees the light and shows me that I too can see the light and I finally did and started climbing my way out of that depression. I still am but I am in a much better place now. The word believe was my word for that year. I have jewelry and lots of other things that say believe on it to remind myself to believe in Me. That i can do it no matter what comes my way, I am strong. If your curious my word for this year is strength and wow did that sum up what I needed this year. Not sure what next years word will be, I’ll decide that in January. Love to you all!

Arm

 

arm

 

award

 

Grateful

10431493_450038871817614_766464799044853939_n

 

A close friend of mine, Nya, wrote this on her FB page, “I once said, “heartache must be the most beautiful pain”…I was right. To love or to have loved someone so completely that being apart from them causes a deep physical ache in your chest, like your heart has a hole in it and your very soul feels empty….is incredible. The pain will subside and by the grace of God, the emptiness will be filled with new joys later….but to imagine never having a love like that in the first place is the greatest tragedy.”

And wow that made me think. So far this holiday season has been very hard on me. Thanksgiving was just me and my girls, getting a tree and going through all the motions that we once did as a family, going through all of the ornaments and then there is the week of Christmas which I will be without my girls (totally not looking forward to that). But Nya wrote this about heartache and as I look back she is totally right, I wouldn’t do it any different. We had an amazing love that I guess ran its course. Yes I hurt but what would it be like to go through life not feeling that love. I’m not trying to glamorize feeling hurt, believe me if I could feel no pain right now I would take it. But what a way to look at a loss of a relationship. I must remember this with every relationship, past, present and future. I am grateful for all of you. For the spark, the fire, the excitement and the loss. Thank you Nya for showing me that I can be grateful for what happens when I put my heart out in the open.

 

To update you on my last post, here is the piece i was having trouble with, I am finding that with life being a struggle so are my paitnings. But I was able to finish this one. 48″x36” Still needing a name.
Big Flowers

Step Away from the Canvas

It has been one of those weeks, I sit and stare at my work and I stare some more. Where is my desire to paint, where is my desire to create. It is not here this week. Then as I look at my painting I think… ICK! What is going on here, what can I do to fix it, what can I do to move it along. I don’t know. I leave it be for a few hours, a few days, I come back to it and ICK, the same thing. What do we do when we feel like nothing is working, like we have used up all of our talent, that maybe we have been fooling everyone and now the truth is going to come out, that we are not creative, not an artist. When I really think about it, it’s a silly thing to think but I think it. I think we all do at one point in our creative lives, and probably more than once. So what do I do when this happens?? Well I will tell you what I need to do. I need to get out, to step away from my canvas and go on a creative outing or just a regular outing, something to get my mind going. I did vent to my tribe of creative’s and as I was reminded that this happens to all of us and that I need to get out I realized how important it is to have that tribe and how important it is to get out and refill your bucket. So this Saturday I have planned to go to some galleries, fill my soul with art and beauty. Get out and have some fun, get away from the day to day. I would love to hear what you do to get out of a creative funk. How do you refill your soul?

 

Here is the piece that I have been struggling with, I look at it and see all that I hate and I am trying to find what I like but wow, what I don’t like really pops out to me. I am stopping myself from ranting and raging on about what is not working. 🙂

IMG_7824

This piece I called done… but I am still not sure about it.

IMG_7821

New Beginnings and Growth

Fall is starting to makes it arrival here in GA, the trees are starting to show their magical colors and the air is starting to get crisper. It’s by far my favorite time of year. Shedding the old to prepare for the new.

A weekend ago I burned my journal, the one I told you about in the blog called Evening pages. It was done and time to move on. The whole experience was amazing. My close friends were their holding space for me with such love. As I was getting ready to burn it, all of my emotions started bubbling over. I threw it in the fire and stared… I had an urge to grab it, I put so much time and soul into those pages. As I sat back and watched it was like a piece of me was burning and it felt well painful at first but then before my eyes the journal started puffing up to what looked like a beautiful flower and at that point I knew I was going to be OK. That part of my life is now over and it is time to move on. How refreshing. And to experience that with such love all around me was something I will not forget.

To go along with my rebirth I will be sharing the progress of a painting that I just finished called Growing, it’s a 30” x 30” canvas piece. What it means to me is freedom and growth. The small bird represents me, an old version of me, what I used to be, looking up at another version of me, the new me soaring. I feel like the small version of me is starting to get smaller and smaller inside and the part of me soaring is starting to take over. It’s a very exciting time, cleaning out the old and in a way starting my new life.

Thank you for holding space for me and letting me share this exciting time with you.

IMG_5797

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_5818

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_5830

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_5882

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Growing LR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Search for Representation

Cards 1

I have already started taking you on my journey of being an artist, a mother, dealing with depression and divorce. I am now going to take you on my current journey of trying to find a gallery to represent me. Before I start I must acknowledge that I do have my abstract art at Synergy Fine Art Gallery in Rowswell GA. It’s a co-op gallery, which means, you pay for wall space, you then hang what you want on that wall. You need to participate in events and watching the gallery. Like other galleries they also take a percentage of your sales when you do sell a painting. Synergy has been very accommodating to me since I have not been able to participate in events and watching the gallery since I am a single mom. They are run by 2 amazing women who want to help local artist succeed.

I am currently on the search of finding a gallery that wants to represent me, By having an exhibit. My dream right now is to have a solo show which means only my work is on display. They also do group shows which have a few artists’ works on display and I would love that too! Most galleries plan a year in advance what exhibits they will have.

So what I have done is I made postcard size cards, had them printed at Moo.com, on the front shows one of my pieces with name, size and medium. On the back is a bio about me and my work along with my contact information. I had 5 cards made with 5 different pieces. I then wrapped them up with ribbon and attached my business card to the back.

What I plan on doing with them is dropping them off at galleries that I think my work will fit. I also asked friends on FB to tell me of restaurants and coffee houses that display local artist. I am going to try them first. I was lucky and got a nice list of places to try.

So here we go! I am starting my search of representation and see if I can get my work on display at either a gallery, coffee shop or restaurant. When that happens I will let you know. Even if it doesn’t happen I will keep you posted. I dropped off one of my packets last week at a restaurant. I got a great response. Now we will see if it worked!

Wish me luck!!!

Cards 2Cards 3

What Defines Us?

rocks 2

 

What defines us? This past Sunday I was in my Shamanic class doing a journey. A Shamanic Journey is a way of finding answers, information, healing, wisdom and knowledge as well as guidance or help with one’s personal life. It’s a kind of meditation. What was revealed to me was that my divorce does not Define me. I say that with a capitol D because it hit home in a huge way. I started crying, wow, I was doing that, making that event in my life define me. I was feeling unwanted, unloved, ugly, not being enough, unworthy and so on. And you know what, those things are really not true. But it was in my head and I was making it real. Since then I have been thinking about what defines us as individuals. What makes us unique? I believe each person has something unique to share with the world. So what defines me? I got stuck, what does define me? Being a mother? Being an artist? I mentioned this to my mother and she said “my courage and dignity, not what happens to you. What we do to and with people and how we react to major things and daily things is what defines us.” Hmmm, that is where I started to struggle, doesn’t what happens to us make us who we are so doesn’t it define us? The good, the bad and the ugly? Maybe what she meant was how I respond or react to the divorce defines me not the divorce itself. Wow, I like that. So back to my question, what defines me? What defines you? I would love to hear from you. As for me, I am still thinking about it.

I took the photo of the affirmation rocks, I got some rocks from the beach and wrote on them my affirmations to help me with each day. They are in my studio reminding me to embrace life, believe in myself, to stay inspired and to inspire others, to breath when things get tough, to trust in myself, be grateful, let go, to continue to learn and discover new things, that I am enough and that I am strong and can make it no matter what happens to me.

 

If you like my posts, please subscribe, you will get an e-mail when I post something new before it hits FB. And for those who have subscribed, Thank You!!!

 

 

 

Featured Artist Henrietta Job

Hello! As I have mentioned a while back I will be posting interviews of 3 artists. I am happy to introduce to you the first interview by Henrietta Job. I just love her work!! I had to post all the paintings that she sent me! I hope you enjoy her paintings and interview as much as I do!

Henrietta Job

 

How does my creative process work?

My painting has to be very flexible. My time to work is sneaked into little pockets  around home educating two of my kids, caring for my baby, and mothering a teen, its not easy to get long uninterrupted sessions at the easel!!

If my baby is sleeping, I can sometimes work with older ones popping in and out, and enjoy being ‘an inspiring mum’ for them to emulate. The trouble is, they often want to start painting with me, which, while lovely is often quite time consuming.

I like to have a while to settle in…to potter about with a cup of tea, sorting through my paintings, getting out my paints, sitting quietly in a corner just breathing out of my busy life and into a calmer creative space.

I use acrylic paints, layering them up in a free and intuitive way so that I never know the what the outcome will be when I start.

To begin with I just choose two or three similar hues, for example red, orange, yellow and splash them onto the canvas, dripping, spraying with water, having fun. Often I have several paintings on the go at once, so I can switch between them while one dries.

I really do try to drop into a space where I am not thinking, and choose my colours from a gut feeling rather than rationally deciding what would be best.

As the painting progresses, I add images, keep making a variety of marks, using different tools and techniques, often changing the whole appearance of the painting if it does not ‘sing’ to me.  Sometimes a painting will just not excite me, and I will set it aside for a while, sometimes weeks. Then, one day I will bring it out, and  splash some paint around, pick out a little corner of colour, or image which draws me in, and work with that.

Sometimes I use Pinterest for images of particular things I want to include, often I will spot a picture in one of my kid’s picture books which I will pull out for inspiration. My eyes are always open for  images, shapes, colours, and spotting an exciting combination colours and forms in nature can be as important as visiting art galleries.

Henrietta Job

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Everyone is different! Everyone has their own techniques and methods, but I think that the way I  work now, intuitively, freely and spontaneously is what what could potentially be different from some acrylic based artists. Like Janine, I have Flora Bowley to thank for this liberating way of expressing what is in me, and letting it flow through me. I don’t get in the way of myself anymore!!

 

What am I working on now?

I am just having a couple of weeks off to concentrate on home education and some writing work!! I have just finished 11 paintings for an exhibition in my local town, which was very exciting and very tough time wise.

I have another exhibition planned for the New Year, but I am going to give myself some unpressurized playing time next, without being too driven about producing ‘saleable’  work. Experimentation with different textures, possibly different, mixed media, developing a daily practice of mark making and colour work.

I am also working on getting my work online!! I currently write a blog which includes arty stuff, but am concentrating on getting a website up and running for people to view and buy my work and find out the stories behind it!

 

Henrietta JobWhy do I do what I do?

I have always created art, but as a fairly ‘academically gifted’ child was very firmly steered away from creativity at school, ‘a waste of my brains’ it was described. I was encouraged to see it as a little hobby, and it has taken me a long time to step into my power and reclaim what is my birthright, to paint, to make and to write.

I think that the death of my seven year old daughter Lily five years ago has had a huge impact on my allowing myself to finally do what I feel passionate about. In losing her I was not only reminded of the fragility and temporary nature of our physical bodies (so live as if today were my last!) but also feel that I owe it to her to be the best I can. I am serving no one by avoiding my true path in life and hiding behind the needs of others. For a  long time I thought I was being ‘good’ by doing what others expected me to do, and hid my life’s work behind the domestic demands of life with children. But how many others can one person please? Only me!! I feel that Lily is behind me brushing my fingertips with her wings as I work, she knows its the right thing to do.

And I love to paint, that spine tingling moment when the right combination of colours appears and I know ‘this is it’. By painting in this way, and sharing my story of how I overcame self doubt and self sabotage I hope to inspire others to do the same, and I hope my paintings create joy too!!

 

You can keep up with Henrietta’s art and what she is doing on her FB page:
https://www.facebook.com/henriettajobart

You can learn more about Henrietta through her blog at: http://angelwingsandherbtea.wordpress.com 

Henrietta Job Henrietta Job

Evening Pages

Some of you have heard of morning pages, Its where you write 3 pages of anything that pops into you mind. Its a stream of consciousness writing. It’s done first thing in the morning. It give you clarity on problems or situations, it helps you figure things out and its for your eyes only. This concept comes from Julia Cameron and its in her book The Artist Way. You can find more about this by clicking here.

Well I made up my own term and practice and its helping me cope with my divorce. I do evening pages. I do write in my journal in the morning and I find it very helpful but I have found at the end of the day when I am tired my evening pages help me alot. It’s a black painted journal that I transformed. It helps me clear my mind about my divorce. I have now been officially divorced for 2 months. I guess I could call it my divorce pages but no, I like the sound of evening pages. I write in it every night, thoughts, feelings, a lot of feelings, ranting and also trying to figure out how to move on. In the beginning when I started writing in it I was very angry, I can’t even read it my emotions were so raw. Lots of shouting, cussing, blaming and hatred. “Why did he do this to us, to his family, how can you throw it away, we spent 20 years together growing together forming a life together to what… throw it all away? I got no closure and that part kills me” And I can say that was the nice version. Anyway I forgot to do it last night and I went to bed with all of these negative thoughts in my head. Kept me up for a while. Tonight I am back on track writing in my journal. One thing I have noticed, I am not playing the blame game as much, now I am trying to figure out how to move on, how to not be angry, how to live my life in peace and happiness, not hatred. I feel like I have come a long way. When this journal is complete I am going to burn it with close friends of mine. To release it all into the universe. I am done with these feelings and I am ready to move on.

Rising from the Dark 30x30"   $475

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rising From the Darkness

I felt this piece compliments my post beautifully. This piece represents me rising from all this, from this divorce, rising strong. Aho.