I am sitting here thinking about all that has happened this past month, my struggles along with the many emotions that have flowed through me and the one thing that seems to want to be expressed is this…
Inspiration is starting to knock at my door once again. I recognize the feeling, I can sense it, feel it, I know its there. I can feel it in my heart, in my chest, in my bones, a feeling I have missed dearly and excited to feel once again. I want to nurture it, love it, bring it back to life. What is inspiration and how does it present itself? I am intrigued. What is it trying to tell me. What does it want me to do. I need more direction if you may. I can’t ignore it because it will go away. Wouldn’t you, if someone ignored you I am sure you would eventually walk away.
So now the challenge is how to get over myself, how to get past my perfectionist self. Honestly, I hate that about myself, the way I need to do everything perfect, get it just right, it stifles me, it stops me from doing what I want, what I need. I tend to want to do lots of research, striving to get things right the first time and fret over the tiny little details. I want to loosen up, to just do it, let go of all that holds me back and GO. What magic could be had with that release of all that holds me back.
Being a perfectionist is not a good quality to have, at least in my opinion. Nothing is perfect, nothing, no one, nada, so why oh why do I strive for it? Yes, its good to do your best and work hard at something but perfection? It doesn’t exist. Nothing is perfect, we live in an imperfect world. So why do I get so caught up in it? I am the first person to tell my girls to do their best, that is all anyone can ask for. It doesn’t matter if you get it all right or that its perfect, as long as you know you did your best, that is all that matters. So why am I different? Why do I have such high standards for myself? Why do I expect the unattainable from me? Why the pressure?
So as I sit here with inspiration whispering in my ear I fear I will choke it and demand too much from it, from me. I need to take things slow, ease back into it. Start the conversation with play, curiosity and exploration.
So my challenge now, today, this next month is to loosen up, let all of my expectations go, release all of that unwanted pressure I put upon myself. To finally sit down, push this unattainable perfectionism aside and create.
So inspiration this is for you, I hear you, I feel you, please don’t leave, be patient with me and lets make magic again.