Monthly Archives: March 2015

Where is the art?

New Life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So where is the art in all of this? I keep on asking myself this question, I have not painted since November of 2014. Now that I sit and ponder on this question once again I now believe all of this self discovery has been part of my art. Yes, I would paint what is going on in my life, paint to get my emotions and feelings out of me and onto the canvas. To present my soul for all of you to see. But where has it been? Where did my creative outlet go? Its like I have been hibernating and now that spring is here I am getting ready to start blooming again and express myself. Not all has been lost, even though I have not been painting I have not stifled my creativity. I have been busy, you see, I have been working on my creative side in a different way. I have been exploring how to make my paintings, my love for art, my love to express myself and discovering, my love to share/teach, how to share it with the world, how to have it sustain myself and my girls in this next phase in my life. I am very excited about it and will be taking you along on my journey. I am currently in an amazing Creative Biz course led by Mati Rose. I have been learning so much on who I am as an artist, what I want to explore and share. I am soon going to be starting another adventure and take Jennifer Louden’s Teach Now course. Yes I am going to teach! Teach about the creative process, painting and a lot more. The idea of teaching has been whispering to me for years now and I keep on getting stuck on the how, I never taught before and then this course fell into my lap when I was deciding this is really something I want to do and do it now. What about the painting you ask, well my dry spell will finally be broken, I am also going to further my knowledge on intuitive painting and take Chris Zydel’s course Painting with Fire! Yes! I believe I needed this down time to really think about what I want to do and how do I want to do it. It’s funny how things start falling into place when you have a clear idea on what you want to do, the “how to” starts to present itself and all you have to do is be aware and open to the possibilities.  Am I scared? Well Yea! I am entering a totally new phase in my life, a phase of even more self discovery, self awareness and being a student along with being a teacher. But with that fear I am so excited, excited for the possibilities! I have no idea what the future has planned for me but for the first time in a long time I am very excited about it. So take my hand and follow me on this amazing journey I have just embarked on.

New Beginnings

be present to whatever is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This past Friday was the Spring Equinox, Pieces/Aries New Moon, Super Moon and a Total Solar Eclipse. Wow! So in celebration I attended a Mayan Fire Ceremony led by Sylina Buehne, “Two Bears” at the Conscious Living Center. Sylina is a Native American shaman and medicine woman.Fire Pit I was beside myself with excitement, I have never been to a fire ceremony before and didn’t know what to expect. The ceremony took place in Canton GA, a rural area. It was refreshing to get away from all the lights and commotion and enter a more relaxed environment. Where the bright lights of businesses are not present, the roads are dark at night and they twist and bend in ways that make you slow down. The further I drove the more I was thinking, I’m not in Kansas anymore. I arrived and took in the scenery, the property was vast, we took a little journey down to the fire pit, which was beside a pond next to a wooded area. It was such a peaceful location. The land we were on was also home to 3 beautiful horses that ended up visiting us during the evening. Now, I won’t be going into great detail about the particulars of the ceremony, instead I will be talking about what I gained, how it prepared me for the next phase of my life.There were about 30 of us, the beauty of it was that we were there as a group, a community and at the same time we were each a lone warrior asking for help and guidance for ourselves and others. Sylina led us through the Mayan Calendar, the 20 Mayan “naguales” or spirit guides that represent and help with certain elements or aspects of life, the Tzolk’in. To learn more about it click here. We were guided, taught about each naguale. We reflected on our own lives, thinking about what we needed guidance with and were we needed to heal. We also reflected on what we wanted to manifest this spring, what seeds we were planting and what we were going to nurture in our lives. It was so magical. The ceremony ended in 3 short hours. As we walked back up to our cars I realized I never once thought about my phone, e-mail, errands, what i had to do or what was expected of me. I was totally and completely in the moment for 3 solid hours. I can’t remember the last time that has ever happened. I get in my car and left with such peace in my heart, contentment, I was drunk with love, hope and happiness. The sky was dark and the stars were were bright. As I am turning and twisting through Canton finding my way back to my life I felt a tinge of sadness. I was entering a more populated area, the stores were plenty, the lights were bright and the cars many. The sky was no longer dark and the stars weren’t as bright because of the many lights. But even so, I still had that hope of new beginnings in my heart. As I drove home I had to drive though the area I had lived in for about 12 years of my life. The place I loved, where my family grew, my kids entered the world and where they grew. I have missed that area dearly since my move, since the divorce but tonight it was different. As I drove thFire Pitough I felt a new contentment, I was no longer angry or sad that I had to move. I felt reborn, that I had shed some layers that evening. I drove through with a sense of peace not longing. I was going to be OK, I have entered the next phase of my journey. As I was driving through I was saying goodbye to the past, goodbye to the hurt and pain and hello to possibility and hope. I couldn’t help but notice the Bradford Pear trees, how they were all in full bloom, they stuck out. They were beautiful, all in white while the other trees in contrast were still barren. It was like they represented hope of what was to come. Shouting to the world that Spring is here, new life, new beginning and hope for what is to come. The evening was exactly what I needed, to be able to look back at my life, shed some tears, ask for guidance and to be able to look forward with such excitement and hope.

Everything happens for a reason…

256045_4178156263792_738212291_o

Everything happens for a reason… is something I believe. I’m sure you have heard of that saying, but have you really thought about it? I haven’t until today, If you truly believe that then do you really have anything bad happen to you? If you believe everything happens for a reason, I would think that “reason” is a good thing, right? It’s a lesson for us to learn, its something to put us on a new path, its to help us learn how to deal with grief, or loneliness or being afraid or showing us how strong we are, how brave we are or a million other amazing things.

I had to remind myself of that saying recently, the girls and I were put in a sticky situation, one that put fear into me, worry, sleepless nights, what ifs and all that good stuff. That got me nowhere. I shared my situation with friends and it helped but it still stayed with me, the icky feeling, the knot in my stomach. I had to dig deep down and finally I ask myself these 3 questions; What can I learn from this? What is my opportunity? What is my lesson? I answered them and you know what, it gave me hope, it was something for me to hold on to, to help me get though. It turned the negative to a positive.

So how you respond to a situation is key to how happy you live your life. Yes, I am sure you have heard it all before, inspiring quotes on Facebook talking about just that. Well I don’t have a quote to share with you but I do have my experience.

So I went back to past events in my life that were negative to me like my divorce, depression, artist block and loneliness to name a few. I then came up with my lesson, my opportunity, what I learned about myself and others and wow, did that open up my eyes. It amazes me how freer I feel, how happier I feel and all because I looked at things differently. Usually it’s my friends giving me a new way of looking at something, I like to surround myself with people who look at things differently than I do. They give me such great perspective. But this time I was me.

So back to that sticky situation, more people got involved and they were angry, I was then stuck with this thought… I asked a friend “How do you speak your Truth, be true to yourself but not hurt someone in the process.” This sticky situation was still bothering me in a different way now. Now I knew where I stood, what I wanted accomplished, I just don’t want to hurt them, no matter what they have done to me, I don’t see a need to return that. I want to be able to speak my Truth with the upmost integrity, without intention of hurting feelings. The response to my question was… As long as you speak your Truth with loving kindness all will be OK, you can’t take responsibility for the way someone responds to your truth. Relationships are more about teaching us about ourselves. Everyone in your life is a teacher and you are a teacher to others… How cool is that? Yes I have so much to learn about speaking my Truth, being true to myself and learning my lesson/opportunity. I can only hope I get through this learning experience with strength, love and kindness.

So the next time you find yourself in a bad situation, event or anything that feels negative ask yourself these 3 questions; What can you learn from this? What is your opportunity? What is your lesson? And then respond with loving kindness.

quotes-about-love-5

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saying YES

When you say Yes, the universe helps you.

 

It has been a long and trying week since my last post. I had to get strong and stand up for what was right for me and my girls. I then had to deal with my own distraught feelings on how I dealt with the situation and hoped I did it with integrity. I had to surrender to my fears and share them with liked minded women. I embarked on a new adventure with a Creative Biz course that I am so excited about and pouring my heart and soul into. I was also extremely blessed by one of those liked minded women to see that I needed help and was able to help me by noticing that we may be a good fit and I am now working with her as a graphic designer.

I am not here to write about the details of what has happened this past week, or to point fingers at who was wrong and how I was wronged. Instead I want to write about last night. Write about what I decided to do about it and what I said Yes to.

Last night I journeyed for a friend, it was amazing and I had not done it in so long that it felt like a homecoming. It made me realize how I need to pay more attention to my spiritual side and journey/meditate more, like every day or night really. After I journeyed and wrote down what I needed to for my friend I sat in silence, in meditation. It felt so good. I then started feeling empowered, I started thinking about what do I want to say Yes to. And this is what happened. I said Yes to taking responsibility of my life. Taking responsibility of your life doesn’t mean admitting fault or labeling someone else’s faults towards you. You are where you are because of circumstances that may or may not have been in your control. Even if they were out of your control you still have the opportunity to take responsibility of it and figure out how are you now going to continue with your life. So at that moment of taking responsibility I said Yes to no longer feeling like the victim, I am who I am because of the things that I have been through and I am ok with it. I am saying Yes to growth, growth to my graphic design career, growth in my painting career, to my life as a single mom. To say I am a single mom without feeling that sadness because even though I didn’t want it, I was made a single mom. Saying Yes to independance but also to accepting when I need support/help. That needing support/help is not a bad thing. Saying Yes to moving forward in this path with eyes wide open. To staying true to myself, to speaking my truth, to learning and growing and then teaching what I have learned so I can empower other women. Empower other single moms to be OK with their life and taking responsibility. Saying Yes to showing my girls how to be an empowered woman, single mom or not, it doesn’t matter. Saying Yes to taking control when I can and surrendering when I can’t. Saying Yes to surrender.

Wow, that was a lot of saying Yes and it felt a bit overwhelming, like I may have just took a bigger bite than I can handle. Then I thought saying Yes is also about chances, putting myself out there and accepting what happens. So then I thought about saying Yes to my artist block, learning from it, embracing it instead of thinking of it as a bad thing, a negative and think on what I need to learn from it. What opportunities has it give me.

After I was done I felt so empowered, so free and at peace. So right and true to myself. Saying Yes to me, to self love, to taking care of myself. What an amazing thing to say. What an amazing path I am on now.

So my question to you today is, what are you saying Yes to?

 

I say YES to me

What is your Truth?

What are you really about, what is your Truth? I was asked this question by an amazing person, Carolan Deacon. What is my Truth, what am I all about? No one had ever asked me that before. I never really had to think about it. What am I all about? I was caught off guard, I didn’t have an answer, I felt many things, and here is where I get stuck, I felt many things but had a hard time putting it all into words; lost, stuck, fear…no, none of them singularly but all of them together. Why don’t I know? Seems simple enough, how can I not know.

I then start to write, journal, put down random thoughts and try to make sense of it. I was trying to compare that question to other kinds of questions to help me figure this out, wondering if it’s what your passionate about, is it like your personal mission statement or your elevator speech about yourself. Well yes I was told. Okay, I can relate to that. But I still haven’t answered the question.

What is my mission statement? What am I here to do? I wrote down some words; love, create, share, inspire, learn, explore. That was a good start but I needed more, to dig deeper.

What am I passionate about, well Art/Creativity of course. What else? Nature, feeling connected to the earth and to people, spirituality. Okay now we are getting somewhere. What else? Health, as a whole… exercise/walking, eating right and mentally becoming myself again. I see it happening more and more each day. Feeling like myself again, feeling that happiness and spark. Is that a passion of mine? Well I am fighting for it every day, that happiness, so I believe so. Anything else? Yes, my family and friends. I was trying to come up with a word that described that, family and friends, but have not yet found it. Maybe loved ones? Yes I like that. I’m talking about the love and support you exchange, the companionship, intimacy, conversations, laughing, playing, talking, staying up late watching a dumb Keanu Reeves movie and poking fun at it the whole time. Those moments are priceless.

So what I realized is that I ended up with 4 pillars, 4 parts of me that when put together made me whole. So what that looks like in no particular order is this:

Creativity • Spirituality • Health • Loved Ones

I sat and looked at those words, they felt right, they felt perfect, they felt like Me. I then realized that for me to be happy to feel and speak my Truth I needed to have all 4, all 4 fulfilling my life at the same time. I can’t just be or concentrate on only 1 or 2 or 3 for that matter, I needed to be engaged with all 4 to be me. That’s my Truth.

So I leave you with this question. What is your Truth?

find-your-truth-copy