1 Year Later

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1 year ago this past Sunday the girls and I moved to our new home, our new life. Left everything we knew, our way of life as a family, friends, familiar places, an area where both kids were born, were our family was created and formed. As I sit here this morning thinking on this past year it amazes me how much has happened. Lots of good and some not so good. The divorce was finalized in August, it felt like we were divorced way before that but to the courts it was finalized in August. What excited me the most about looking back on the past year is that I am filled with such hope for the future. I feel like my life has just started in a way. I am in a much better space. I am discovering who I am, someone who has been dormant for a long while, someone I feel like in one breath I have not yet met but in the next is very familiar.

This past year was messy and hard, emotional and rewarding, I was pushing forward and taking steps back, lots of steps back but regardless of that still moving forward. So here I am, 1 year later. Join me as I look back and share some of what happened this past year.

I am currently creating my first e-course.. Me! A Teacher! Something I have dreamed about and fought at the same time. With hopes and dreams of expanding that to live workshops and classes. My girls are troopers and are doing much better with this new way of life and not having their father around. They have made friends, joined clubs, joined teams and put their all into making this their home and I couldn’t be prouder. I accepted what is and am much happier because of it. I have an amazing tribe of friends, ones that I see often and some not so often and virtual friends who I have grown to love just as much. Friends who have been there every step of the way, ones who were so supportive, let me cry, watched and supported me as I slowly fought my way back. I really couldn’t have done it without you. It takes me back to when I had a close friend come over and help me clean my house when I was in a very low place. I don’t think I will ever forget that. I have also met some amazing new friends, parents of my children’s friends, women who I enjoy being around. I am dating which is huge, after being with someone for 20 years I feel a bit rusty. But putting myself out there knowing I could get hurt again doesn’t scare me like I thought it would. I’m ready for the adventure. I had my art in a gallery and I now have it in a coffee shop. I am continuing my freelance graphic design work and am meeting some cool people. I am continuing my education on creating a creative business and how to make what I love to do be a bigger part of my life. I am not so lost anymore when my kids are with their dad for the weekend. I am on my way back to a healthier life. I went through a not so good phase of drinking way way too much, crying all the time, feeling suicidal, not seeing or feeling the hope. I finally got on meds that work which made a huge difference. The loneliness I have felt and still do feel sometimes is much better. I now can see what my marriage truly was and how it was not a marriage for a long while. I have learned to let go, to not get caught up with where I should be in my life and enjoying where I am. I’ve let go of my anger and everything else that came along with it towards my ex. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments of anger and sadness but those times of anger and sadness are occurring less and less. I’m still struggling with being a single mom, being the 1 caregiver, being on call all the time. Its hard work, work you’d do no matter what but still very hard, emotional and physically.

As I read this it puts a smile on my face. Its a great reminder to me of where I started, sadness, hopelessness, darkness, anger, betrayal, worthless, not lovable, not wanted, discarded, and shows me where I am now, hopeful, loved, excited, happy, wanted, strong, artistic, playful, energized and so much more. If someone would of sat me down a year ago and said, in a year this is all that you will be doing, I would not have believed them.

Thank you for going on this journey with me. I know its not over, but I am grateful for all of you who have been with me along the way supporting me and connecting with me. I truly love hearing from you and your thoughts.

So my question for you today is to first look back on your life this past year, what are all of the good things that have happened, where were you when you started in June and where are you now and were do you want to go? Sometimes that perspective helps you see that you have grown, you are further along than you thought. I know it helped me.  xoxoxo

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